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"self appointed Social Director for HB and official recruiter for the Thead"
at the corner of skullduggery and cannibalism • Canada • 4 Years Old • Female

1. Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.

2. You punish your kids with "minors," "majors," and "misconducts."

3. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns green, you stop.

4. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and start cheering.

5. You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.

6. You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of the picture of your family.

7. Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.

8. You know the difference between "The Garden," "The Gahden," and "The Gardens."

9. You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a "pilgrimage."

10. You think the Canadian National Anthem is the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada."

11. You send Gordie Howe a birthday card, yet you can't even remember your own family members' birthdays.

12. All your kids are either named Gordie, Bobby or Wayne.

13. You went to see "West Side Story" because you thought it was about a game between Winnipeg and San Jose.

14. You went into a bank because it advertised "Free Checking"....and walked out disappointed.

15. When someone refers to "The Classics," you think they're talking about the Original Six.

16. Your cure for everything is a couple extra-strength aspirin and a shot of Novocain.

17. You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.

18. Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.

19. You can say "Khabibulin," "Tkachuk," "Jagr," "Leschyshyn" and "Tverdovsky" without getting tongue-tied.

20. Every time you see the name "Roy" you automatically pronounce it "Wah."

21. You're not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word "Check."

22. You think the Four Food Groups are Nachos, Beer, Pretzels and Rubber.

23. Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors.

24. You still remember which teams were in the Patrick, Smythe, Norris and Adams divisions and which divisions were in the Campbell and Prince of Wales conferences.

25. You know the difference between "The Edmonton Express" and "The Human Express."

26. You refer to your team's enforcers as "chippy players" and you refer to other teams' enforcers as "freaking little pieces of monkey crap."

27. When you're at a game, you're not bothered when your kid cusses but when he says "shutout" before the game is over, you threaten to wash his mouth out with soap.

28. You wonder what Miroslav Satan did to become the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell.

29. You think the proper way to spell the plural of "leaf" is "leafs."

30. You can name all the Sutter brothers in order.

31. Your closet is divided into 2 sections, HOME and AWAY.

32. You wear out your search engines looking for hockey sites.

33. You see a bumper sticker that says 'Jesus saves!' and you immediately think 'Satan picks up the rebound, he shoots, he scores!

34. You have a party for out of town games, to listen to the radio and cheer your team on.

35. Your screen name has something to do with hockey, pucks, sticks, ice, teams, favorite players etc...
Filed Under:   hockey   humour  
September 20, 2007 9:09 PM ET | Delete
Great Blog!
September 20, 2007 9:32 PM ET | Delete
September 21, 2007 1:58 AM ET | Delete
Thanks for the smile! That read was a hoot (and well thought-out and conceived, too).
September 21, 2007 10:13 AM ET | Delete
Just fabulous! I loved it...I laughed, I cried...four stars out of four! Seriously though, this was a great blog and I enjoyed reading it. Keep it up! SYF
September 21, 2007 11:30 AM ET | Delete
I don't get the green light one.
September 21, 2007 5:48 PM ET | Delete
Green light = End of the period
September 22, 2007 2:49 AM ET | Delete
Nice work....Nice work!
October 8, 2007 10:13 AM ET | Delete
great job!
October 8, 2007 10:14 AM ET | Delete
I particularly enjoyed number 26. Nice blog!
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