Home HockeyBuzz Register Login
"Local Montreal Poolie"
Montreal, QC • Canada • 33 Years Old • Male
I have been grieving over this loss for three straight days now. I can't get over it. But, finally, I am starting to understand my pain.

Allow me to explain:

The Overall Happiness Quotient (OHQ) in the Universe was affected by this game. More so, I would argue, than any other Sporting Event in History.

Think about it. When Germany loses in the semi-finals of the World Cup; Germans are sad - BUT, the Spanish are happy. There is a balance somewhere.

Now, let us examine Monday night's game. I invite you to examine Table #1. I have painstakingly crunched the necessary numbers.

Table #1:

First, we need to calculate the positive OHQ generated by this game. I have pinpointed two types of Happiness:

1.) Boston Bruins diehard faithful. I am calculating that there are 1,000,000 Boston Bruin fans in the World. Likely, a gross exaggeration. But, for the purposes of our calculations.

Next, we are going to give them a OHQ gain of a factor of "1".

Two reasons.
Reason #1: First of all, most Bostonians are watching the Red Sox right now. They don't live and die by the Bruins. They live and die by the Red Sox.
Reason #2: They were "supposed" to win that series anyway. If anything, they should feel somewhat apprehensive as an organization. If they were pushed that much to the brink by the Leafs... I mean, what does that say about their team??

For reason #1, we are giving a positive OHQ factor of "0.5". For reason #2, we are likewise giving an OHQ of "0.5". For a total of positive OHQ factor of "1".

Therefore, for Boston Bruin Fans' Factor; we are going to calculate 1,000,000 Fans at an OHQ Factor of "1".

2.) Schadenfreunde.

There are many people who are heartened not by the fact that the Bruins won; but by the fact that the Leafs lost. This is called Schadenfreunde - A German word which roughly translates to "pleasure derived from seeing the Pain of Leafs Fans as they lose and suffer throughout eternity". I know, it's sick. But, it is indeed a type of happiness; and it needs to be included in our calculations.

We are going to assume there are 100,000 "Schadenfreundeners" out there; and we are going to give them an OHQ Factor of "0.5" (which I think is actually being generous. 0.5 OHQ for Schadenfreunde is rather generous indeed).

Now, let's crunch the numbers. We have:

(1,000,000 Boston Fans X 1 OHQ) + (100,000 "non Leafers" X 0.05 OHQ) = 1,005,000 Total OHQ Gained

Therefore, we can conclude (with near certainty) that the overall OHQ gained by this game was:

+1,005,000 OHQ

Now, let us calculate the OHQ lost.

1.) Leafs Fans:

a.) I'm going to calculate that there are about 5,000,000 Leafs Fans in the World. I believe that this is nearing the actual number. The "Golden Horseshoe of Ontario" etc.
b.) We are going to give them a negative OHQ of -10,000. I believe that this may even be an underestimation. Reasons include:
i.) Haven't having won the Cup in over 45 years - Longest drought in the NHL.
ii.) Haven't having made the Playoffs in over nine years.
iii.) The constant heckling from virtually every other fan of the NHL.
iv.) The Phil Kessel Trade - Boston
v.) Having comeback from 3 to 1 down in the Series in which they were the underdogs.

Given the above reasons, I do believe that an OHQ Factor of -10,000 doesn't quite arrive nearly at the actual total. This is more of an "under"estimation. But, for the sake of our calculations.

2.) "Underdoggers"

There are many fans who always seem to cheer for the Underdog. They are called "Underdoggers". They constantly find themselves at the short-end of the cheering cycle; but every once in a while, they are rewarded for their stubbornness by a massive upset. Their lives are more "up and down" than most. They suffer many losses, certainly. But, the victories that they do end up winning add so much to the OHQ that it very nearly balances out. These are the "Underdoggers".

We will calculate that there are 500,000 "Underdoggers" out there in the World today who watched this game.

For the OHQ Factor; we need to be careful here. "Underdoggers" normally wouldn't be affected so much by this outcome. HOWEVER, the WAY it happened needs to be taken into consideration:
i.) Down 3 to 1 in the Series
ii.) Up 4-1 in the Game
iii.) Up 4-2 with 2 minutes to go

Given the above Reasons, I think it's clear that the OHQ Factor concerning the "Underdoggers" is -7,000. I think that number pretty much stands on its own.

3.) Other Hockey Fans

Other Hockey Fans. Let us be clear here: Other Hockey Fans who previously had no affiliation to either team.

Other Hockey Fans must have been cheering for the Leafs in this series. Certainly, it is a fair estimation that by the end of this series; The Leafs had won the hearts of previously other uncommitted Hockey Fans tuning into this series. The Leafs were an exemplary beacon of everything that is "good" in Hockey: Playing hard, Skating hard, Teamwork.

I will make a conservative estimate of 500,000 "Other Hockey Fans" who prior to watching this series were ambivalent as to the outcome; gradually succumbing to the lure of the Leafs' Game. They suffered as well.

Let us assume a negative OHQ Factor of -5,000. These Other Hockey Fans had just opened up their hearts to the possibility of cheering for the Leafs; and we all know there is no hurt like the first time. Therefore, I believe that this number may be a gross "under"estimation again. Nonetheless.

(Please note: For the sake of calculation, I'm not even going to factor in Phil Kessel's, James Reimer's, Joffrey Lupul's negative OHQ. Let us assume that it was off the charts; or incalculable.)


Next, let us calculate the overall impact this game had on the OHQ of the Universe:

OHQ Gained:

(1,000,000 Boston Fans X 1 OHQ) + (100,000 "non Leafers" X 0.05 OHQ) = +1,005,000 Total OHQ Gained

OHQ Lost:

5,000,000 Leafs Fans X (-10,000) OHQ = -50,000,000,000 OHQ
500,000 Underdoggers X (-7,000) OHQ = -350,000,000 OHQ
500,000 Other Hockey Fans X (-5,000) OHQ = -250,000,000 OHQ

-50,000,000,000 OHQ -350,000,000 OHQ -250,000,000 OHQ = -50,600,000,000 Total OHQ Lost

Finally, we can now arrive finally at a point where we can accurately assess the overall Net Gain (or Net Loss) of OHQ due to the outcome of this game:

+1,005,000 (OHQ Gained) -50,600,000,000 (OHQ Lost) =

-50,598,995,000 Net Loss of OHQ

Therefore, we have a Net Loss of -50,598,995,000* Points of OHQ to the Universe.

*Please note, these figures are approximate, and may actually be higher than their estimated totals.

Hence, my sadness. Not just for the Leafs or for Hockey. For the Universe. I mean, a Net Loss of -50,598,995,000 to the OHQ of the Universe. That's massive.

Therefore, I think it's clear that this particular outcome will go down in history as the "Greatest Loss of Universal OHQ due to a Sporting Event Ever."

*The Hockey Pooler is a part-time Hockey analyst / Hockey Blogger / Mathematician whose work on Universal OHQ is largely celebrated as being the very latest on the cutting edge of new-age Societal Analysis in regards to Hockey OHQ research.
Filed Under:   Phil Kessel   Leafs   Heartbreak  
May 16, 2013 9:56 PM ET | Delete
Nice, insightful blog.
May 17, 2013 1:55 PM ET | Delete
Is there a certificate or a wallet card I could get as a Schadenfreunde? Perhaps a facebook group or Twitter page I could follow. Sounds like the makings of the best club ever!
May 17, 2013 2:44 PM ET | Delete
Definitely a devestating blow to the world, hopefully we can all slowly recover from this one day.
May 17, 2013 6:12 PM ET | Delete
Nobody in Boston was watching the Red Sox. The game earned a 16.8 rating and a 26 share in the Boston DMA. It was the third most watched Bruins game in NESN history behind 2012 Game 7 vs. Washington and 2011 Game 7 vs. Montreal. The Red Sox could only have been found on NESN , a channel buried by most cable providers. To say that the Bruins are second to the Red Sox at all times is a generalization of the Boston market.
May 17, 2013 6:44 PM ET | Delete
I think everyone will get over it. Toronto should be proud of their accomplishments but move forward.
May 18, 2013 12:17 AM ET | Delete
You have greatly underestimated the Schadenfreunde.
May 18, 2013 7:14 PM ET | Delete
Agree with TripperTom. I know more Schadenfreunde then leaf fans by about a margin of 20-1
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to leave a comment.