Home HockeyBuzz Register Login
BC • Canada • 69 Years Old • Male
First off, on behalf of all of the province of Vancouver I apologize for the lackluster effort put forth by the Canucks in refusing to win 16 straight games to win their first Stanley Cup for the third time. We can only blame Roberto Luongo for so long for failing to win the cup in 012, 94, or 82 where i heard he actually didn't even watch one game of the FINALS because he was busy playing with his GI Joe action figures.

Not saying that Canuck fans are still feeling burned by last year's debacle, but I'd go so far as to suggest that as you read this, someone is working on building a time machine to go back to 1978 and shout 'Luongo sucks' at his parents as they were copulating so that he would never grow up to become a professional goaltender, thereby not disappointing the entire Canuck nation by not stopping each and every goddamn puck that was sent his way by someone in a Boston Bruin sweater.

In all reality i would have nothing against Luongo if he played on any team but the Canucks but let's face it, Vancouver is like the Toronto Maple Leafs of goaltending. It's where good goaltenders go get verbally assaulted by scrawny or overweight sports reporters that are breathing heavily just holding their microphones up. Vancouver is a black hole that sucks up talent and morale and leaves an empty husk of a man, just like Jennifer Lopez.

But it's summer and the only hockey news right now is when and where is Luongo going to take the remaining decade of his luuuu-crative contract. Some dreamers (read Torontonians) want him to don the blue and white so that they could find out if it's theoretically possible for someone to have two bumholes torn into them. Luongo is probably hoping to be moved somewhere where he's not expected to have a .990 save percentage, cure leprosy and personally escort every fan to their seat before the game.

Florida is considered a favourite for no other reason than that's where his family is and they will be the only one who knows him. Toronto is considered a favourite for no other reason than that's where Brian Burke is and Vancouver desperately wants to pay them back for that whole Mats Sundin thing.

So while Cory Schneider gleefully wrings his hands at being given the opportunity to crack under pressure once Luongo leaves, all i can say is that i don't blame the guy. I mean after all, he won 75% of his games last year against sub .500 teams. And he very nearly won 2 whole games against the eventual Stanley Cup winning LA Kings. Plus this year he will find out who the hell this Jason Garrison guy is that everyone is talking about.

We all know goals wins games so in a perfect and sane hockey world (usually only found in my hockey pool), Roberto Luongo goes to Columbus for Rick Nash. Columbus gets a decent goalie that most of Ohio will have no expectations of and Nash gets to play for a team that already has at least 6 other scapegoats to blame when they don't win the cup again next year. It's a win-win.

In unrelated news, Canada's social health care system breathed a sigh of relief in hearing that Sami Salo has decided to head to Tampa Bay to join their IR list.
Filed Under:   Luongo   Canucks   Nash   Columbus   Schneider   Garrison  
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to leave a comment.