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Can you hear that? Thats 90% of America not giving a poop.

Hockey is back, and while most of Canada are on their couch eagerly waiting for Hockey Night in Canada, to come on the trusty CBC. Americans everywhere are struggling to find that hunting network, and have given up looking. Why the NHL refuses to go back to ESPN is beyond me. Sure you could be a small fish in a big pond, but an only fish in a small fish is going to die slowly of loneliness.

However, there is hope for the East coast bias to get back on board with the league. No longer are the teams from the East referred to as the "12-beer, lazy-eyed sister", but instead has blossomed into the sexy conference. Good riddance to the yokel, redneck hockey markets and welcome back the tradition markets of New York, Pennsylvania, and Montreal.

So without further adieu, the Eastern conference!

15. Atlanta Thrashers
8,000 fans a game can't be Wrong!

14. Toronto Maple Leafs
The centre of the universe will (frank) up again and not finish last. No problem! The Draft lottery is already rigged to get Tavares!

13. New York Islanders
Wow! the worst run team in sports continues getting worse, as they replaced Satan with a 400 lb Weight. Look for a Garth Snow suicide watch come December.

12. Florida Panthers
Good News: No More Mike Keenan! Bad News:He still traded Luongo for a bag of pucks.

11. Buffalo Sabres
They have the potential to being the most exciting team in the league. Unfortunately they have to live in a poophole, and will probably have zero moral come February.

10. Carolina Hurricanes
The Mike Ricci of our generation, Rod Brind'amour is out for a few months. And when Mike Commodore is your #1 Defensemen, even ol' fire crotch can't save ya!

9. Boston Bruins
This team has the potential to make a playoff push, unfortunately Phil Kessel still can't find his "balance".

8. Tampa Bay Lightning
A weak division gets them in, having 15 forwards and 3 defenceman keeps then on the bubble.

7. Ottawa Senators
Just a few years removed from (frank)ing up from every team in their way, departing d-men, and Martin Gerber as your goalie brings your team down to medocricy.

6. Philadelphia Flyers
Wow! worst team in the league to Eastern conference finalists in a year. Too bad Bobby Clarke is a female genitalia.

5. New Jersey Devils
Martin Brodeur. Martin Brodeur. Martin Brodeur.

4. Pittsburgh Penguins
Crosby, Malkin, and Company had their first taste of post season success. How do you seal the deal? Make a deal with Satan!

3. New York Rangers
Yup thats right 3 Atlantic division teams in a row! Sure Markus Naslund and Wade Redden aren't Jaromir Jagr, thats because they are pussies with mullets who run away to Russia.

2. Washington Capitals
Reigning league MVP Alex Ovechkin could put up 75 goals this season. More importantly though, Sergei Fedorov should help the younger master the 'doing the hottest girl alive'.

1. Montreal Canadiens.
Last years conference champs should repeat as they continue to be in the easiest division in the league. And in their 100 years of existance, they have 24 Stanley Cups. Wait I think I just heard an army of Cubs fans slam there face against their desks.

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