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The Rock, NJ • United States • 35 Years Old • Male
This is a pretty funny article about the entire Kovi saga...

Source: http://intenttoblow.com/?p=956

The National Hockey League at long last approved a 15-year contract that would send Ilya Kovalchuk to the New Jersey Devils Monday, only to have Kovalchuk retire immediately afterwards at the age of 42.

“It was really exciting to hear we had finally gotten it done. It’s been a long process,” Kovalchuk said after receiving word of the approved deal. “Sadly, my playing days are behind me. It’s time to hang them up.”

Kovalchuk said he had been holding out hope he would get to play at least a season with the Devils, but his muscles atrophied while waiting by the phone in the nearly 15 years it took to gain league approval.

40-year-old Zach Parise, who has been an free agent since a season after Kovalchuk’s negotiations began, hopes this will open a window for him to rejoin the team.

“Lou [Lamoriello] wasn’t able to conduct much large business until the deal was done, so I’m hoping now I’ll finally get to rejoin the guys,” Parise said on a break from managing a Newark McDonald’s. “I haven’t really had much contact with the team actually since, you know, Lou died a few days after his 80th birthday a couple years back.”

Martin Brodeur, now the head coach of the Devils, said he still remembers the few months he played with Kovalchuk and said he is glad the saga is finally over.

“Hopefully now that this and the 10-year lockout it caused are over we can get back to some real hockey,” Brodeur said. “It might not be exactly the same since we had to sell the Stanley Cup to Major League Baseball to keep us viable, but I think this Golden Globe Alicia Keys leant us will do just fine.”

While most were pleased to hear the contract had been signed, Chris Chelios — who recently signed a 3-year deal with the St. Louis Blues despite being in his early 60s — scoffed.

“What a wussy,” Chelios said. ”I’d give my artificial hip to be 42 again.”
Filed Under:   kovalchuck   nj devils   humor  
August 30, 2010 9:56 AM ET | Delete
It really feels like this saga has gone on for fifteen years. Good read.
August 30, 2010 10:01 AM ET | Delete
I think I found my new rumor site...hahahahahahahaha
August 30, 2010 3:15 PM ET | Delete
In related news...Brett Favre will hold a press conference today to announce whether or not he will return for his 35th season.
August 30, 2010 7:34 PM ET | Delete
Not even funny to me, just a crappy post. Let's keep it real jsiha and have some constructive information that is factual and to the point. Now I am going to open up my Sean Brown lunch bag and eat one of my Kelly Buchbergers that I picked up at Lanny McDonads. I sure feel like an Eddy Beers but will have to settle for a Paul Coffey. Okay enough is enough.
August 31, 2010 8:28 AM ET | Delete
flyerdude - ouch - I thought that post was pretty funny...to each their own I guess...a little levity never hurt anyone IMO...I think (didn't actually count 'em) over 90% of jsiha's posts are more "factual"...or at least related to real news...so it's not like all the other posts are intentionally trying to be funny...
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Blog Archive

10 On Kovi free agency
12 WOW The Devils Make A Great Move!!!!
12 John MacLean is hands on as Devils open prospects camp
12 Is Ilya Kovalchuk moving closer to signing with Los Angeles?
13 Has Kovalchuck lost his footing with New Jersey Devils Fans?
13 Elias understands Kovalchuk's dilemma
14 Elias excited for what future holds
15 Lots of talk but nothing to announce yet on Kovalchuk
15 Kovalchuk Looking Less and Less Likely for New Jersey Devils
15 Kovalchuk desperately wants to be the highest paid Russian!!
15 Devils don't offer veteran center Eric Chouinard a contract
15 Anton Volchenkov: Devils were my second choice
15 MacLean meets the A-Train
16 Are Ilya Kovalchuk's salary demands tied to Alex Ovechkin?
16 Newly-signed Tyler Eckford wants to play his way into a job
16 Devils' World Won't End if Kovy Bypasses Newark
18 Kings believed they had a 50-50 chance of signing Kovinuts
19 Brian Rolston knows that changes are coming for Devils
19 Devils' signing of Ilya Kovalchuk puts a smile on John Mac!!
19 Dainius Zubrus: signing Ilya Kovalchuk was to shake up the Devils
19 What might happen next?????
20 Who Will Go???
20 Which Contracts Will Lou Dump Now?
20 Left winger Ilya Kovalchuk, there is significance to #17
21 Once Kovalchuk's deal is settled, attention to Zach!!!
21 NHL doesn't believe Ilya Kovalchuk will stay untill Age 44
21 contracts similar to Ilya Kovalchuk's deal with Devils
21 NHL Players' Assocation issues statement On Kovi
21 Lamoriello statement on Kovalchuk signing
21 ’t win Ilya Kovalchuk contract showdown
22 It's in hands of Ilya Kovalchuk and union
22 NHL might have picked wrong fight
22 LA Kings Dean Lombardi backs up Kovalchuck Contract
24 NHLPA to file grievance
25 The Kovi Saga
25 NHL prosecution merely a temper tantrum
26 Devils wait for players' union to file grievance
26 contract could trigger a war between Devils and NHL
27 Decision on Kovalchuk is expected nexty week
28 Kovalchuk contract could be restructured by arbitrator
28 Yann Danis Going to KHL
28 Mark Fraser Signed....
29 Newly-signed Mark Fraser vows to be 'mean, physical Player
30 Arbitrator has been agreed upon
30 Kovalchuck Hearing?????
31 Arbitrator - Richard Bloch a NEw Jersey Native
31 Association agree on arbitrator to rule on Ilya Kovalchuk
03 Kovalchuk will attend contract hearing
03 Devils will wear retro jerseys March 18 vs. Washington
04 D day for Kovi and the Devils
05 Roller Hockey at the Jersey Shore
06 Jim Dowd Shore High School Hockey Game set for Sunday
06 Is this is a set-up between Lou and Gary???
09 The arbitration decision coming today
11 Translated article from soviet sports kovalchuck
11 Devils name Rick Kowalsky head coach at Albany
12 HEATS ON!!!!
12 Where do the Devils stand in the market???
16 Today might be the day
16 90 million over 10-13 for kovi?
16 Russian News Paper Reports Devs and Kovi....
17 Contract submitted???
18 Another Quiet day in the Kovi Front
19 Devils still waiting to see what happens with Kovy
19 “Status Quo” On Ilya Kovalchuk And Devils
20 Devils After Marc-Andre Bergeron???
20 Kovi wants nothing to do with the KHL
20 Elias on the Move???
21 Questions Surround Devils in Wake of Kovalchuck saga
22 Brian Burke Testified Against Ilya Kovalchuk Contract???
22 Devils Bringing Hockey Back To Atlantic City
23 Patrik Elias could be moved to sign fellow winger Zach Paris
23 Today could be the Day!!!
23 News 1130 out of Vancouver Reports on Kovi
23 Possible contract for Kovalchuck
23 Devils add more youth to the roster
23 EJHradek_ESPN Reports NJ Devils meet with the NHL
24 News 12 New Jersey Reports on Kovi Contract...
24 Bryce Salvador to Stars...
25 NHL 2 Devils 0.....
25 Lamoriello not frustrated by Kovalchuk process
25 Commish denies report of deal rejection
26 – NYPOST.com
26 Looks Like KHL is out of the question
27 Could this be finalyy over???
30 Devils could part with Zajac if Kovalchuk stays
30 ’ contract, but Kovalchuk retires
31 ’s official decision on Kovalchuk’s TODAY!!!!!
31 Niemi a Devil?????