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Boyle, AB • Canada • 40 Years Old • Male
The other day I decided to start writing an encyclopedia specific to NHL terms. Here's what I have written so far. Feel free to comment and add some new terms.

According to the NHL Encyclopedia:

Energy Player – A player who has very little talent, and is in the line-up to fill out the roster. Usually energy players are asked to go out there and hit and/or fight, to justify their existence in the NHL.

Energy Line – AKA the Fourth line

Sniper – Someone who hangs out by the opposing team’s blue line when the puck is in his own zone, and sets up 10 to 20 feet in front of the other team’s net when allowed to enter the offensive zone. Is likely overpaid for what he does. Referred to in Canadian hockey slang as a, “goal suck.”

Icing – An NHL penalty designed to injury players with weak ankles. Used as a way of encouraging Passive Eugenics in the hockey world.

Off-Side – My dad calls this a penalty to punish a team that is doing too well.

Face-off – A bad John Travolta movie. Are there any good Travolta movies?

Clean Hit – If the ref doesn’t see it, every hit is a clean hit.

The Salary Cap – A big, massive nuisance if your favorite team is owned by a billionaire.

Gary Bettman – Argumentative midget that seems to hate Canada. Was likely bullied as a child, and is currently bullied by Jim Balsillie and Chris Chelios.

Jim Balsillie – Rich guy who wants to buy an NHL team just to prove he can. Likely is doing it for an upcoming episode of Kenny vs Spenny.

Footlong – A thin 6” long hotdog available at any NHL rink for $5 more than it is worth.

Motor Oil – Coffee at a hockey game.

Club seating – The place where millionaires and company CEO’s sit to watch a game they have absolutely no idea about.

Don Cherry – The Canadian Archie Bunker

Toronto Maple Leafs – The most popular team in the world, out of any sport, in the most important city, ever. *Note: According to Leaf fans only.

Edmonton – NHL’s Siberia

Sean Avery – Quotable hipster who always knows what to say to make our game seem classy and respectful.

Hockey MILF – A hockey mom in rural Canadian on a Saturday. Tip: Don’t worry about chatting a hockey MILF up…the kids and their dad are distracted by the game.

Hockey God – Term that could currently apply to Alexander Ovechkin, Sidney Crosby, or Evgenie Malkin. In past, is has been applied to players like Mario Lemieux, Wayne Gretzky, Steve Yzerman, Bobby Orr and Mark Messier.

Empty Net – A term that was often used when Greg Millen was playing.

Hockey Mullet – A brutal haircut usually displayed by Ryan Smyth. The mullet became popular in the 70’s, and usually was accompanied by the hockey mustache.

The KHL – A retirement home for NHL players when they are washed up, or too wussy for the North American game.

Mens Hockey at the Olympics – An event that means absolutely nothing when teams from Sweden, Russia, Finland or the Czech Republic win the gold medal.

“The Trap” – The type of play a team uses to try and win games when they don’t have any talent.

Dany Heatley – Likely the next president of the NHLPA, because of his fairness, dedication, and strong moral character.

Lady Byng Trophy – In the words of Wayne Gretzky, something players would rather win a case of lipstick instead of.

Instigator Penalty – Punishment given to person who loses a fight

Stanley Cup – Big, shiny trophy that always seems to get dented up during the summer.

Hat Trick – A marketing strategy designed by the league to sell overpriced ball caps from each team’s clothing kiosk at the game.

Hockey Swagger – Term describing the walking style of a player earning more than $5mil per season.

Expansion – Pyramid scheme designed by the league to milk money from bored billionaires. Funds raised are redistributed to other bored billionaires who currently own a team. Whether the new team lives or dies, nobody really cares.

Entry Draft – The place where the Detroit Red Wings find two or three superstars each season, usually in the 4th to 7th rounds of the draft.

Street Hockey - A magical game where everyone can become Gretzky, Orr or Ovechkin.
Filed Under:   Oilers  
August 11, 2009 1:47 PM ET | Delete
Out-Freaking-Standing!
August 11, 2009 1:56 PM ET | Delete
There has to be worse places to play than Edmonton.
August 11, 2009 2:07 PM ET | Delete
Thats it hands down best hockey Blogger Maxbone you deserve props, funny, entertaining, and just a great again, I have yet to be disapointed by anything you write, thank you for these great blogs and please keep them coming. FANTASTIC STUFF!!!!
August 11, 2009 2:12 PM ET | Delete
O yeah and what about Puck Bunnies - Beautiful Women who will hook up with any hockey player no matter what he looks like or what postion he plays, hell do they know anything about hockey????
August 11, 2009 2:13 PM ET | Delete
Awesome blog!!!
August 11, 2009 2:46 PM ET | Delete
Hey, true story about Puck Bunnies...I was in Uni when the woman next to me was talking about how she didn't know if the father of her child was a certain former goalie from the Leafs, or a defenseman from the Flames.
August 11, 2009 3:05 PM ET | Delete
Awesome Blog - keep it up. I also know a puck bunny who may or may not have been involved with a certain #9 winger with a penchant for big playoff goals!!!
August 11, 2009 3:20 PM ET | Delete
Thanks, you have done ur part as an Oiler Blogger to take extra jabs at Edmonton. Keep reminding the rest of the world and encourage players to stay away from our city.
August 11, 2009 4:07 PM ET | Delete
Relax, Dude. If you read the blog, it's very tongue in cheek!! If we can't laugh at ourselves, what's the point?
August 11, 2009 4:31 PM ET | Delete
No offense dude, but I don't think anything I have to say would encourage or discourage people to play in Edmonton. Edmonton is cold and isolated, but hockey crazy. You know what I think: REAL players want to play in a place like Edmonton.
August 11, 2009 5:55 PM ET | Delete
Keep up the great blog Maxbone!
August 12, 2009 12:18 PM ET | Delete
Yeah no doubt, cant take anything to serious Edmonton cant sign players because its to isolated, its true. Why not just laugh about it. We could angry every year about it or just deal with it and laugh!!! I agree with Maxbone, REAL players want to play in Edmonton!!!
August 12, 2009 4:36 PM ET | Delete
This was hilarious....unfortunate no inclusion of Puck Bunnies....but in general, great blog! The Greg Millen line was priceless! hahaha
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