Maxbone

"This page is all about the Edmonton Oilers"

Boyle, AB • Canada • 40 Years Old • Male

Maxbone Solves the Heatley Crisis

I'll share with you folks a bit of information about my alter ego. On here, I am the lovable self-declared unofficial Oilers blogger. In my other life, I help people. I won't get into the specifics of what I do for a living, but it could be said that I am a healer of sorts. And while I get paid well for what I do, my motivation is not money. I do it because I like going home at the end of the day knowing I made a positive difference in people's lives.

The time has come for me to blend worlds. While the life of a blogger is somewhat imaginary, the truth is, I know everyone associated to hockey read my words every single day. Players, GM's, owners, and fans, all read Hockeybuzz and my blogs. But it's more than just curiosity that brings people here. People, the GM's who read in particular, are looking for ideas and advice on how to make their team better. And today, I am going to give it to them. Say hello to Dr. Maxbone, Advice Columnist.

What has been the #1 problematic distraction in the NHL this season? The Dany Heatley affair. Even the league is reportedly disgusted with how Dany and Ottawa are making the league look. I guess it is up to me to solve things.

Only one team, the Edmonton Oilers, have put together a package that could have lead to a possible solution. Of course, we all know what happened there. Teams like the Sharks, Wild, Rangers and Sabers are all rumored to have attempted to land Heatley, but for reasons unknown attempts to complete a trade did not take place. It seems more than just Edmonton and Ottawa have a reason to make a major deal this summer.

Not directly associated to the Heatley situation are teams this season, and perhaps for the first time, truly experiencing the realities of setting a roster under the salary cap. Many teams have already spent to the upper end of the cap, making trading players nearly impossible. Further to this, some teams, like the Rangers, are nearing the cap with a number of players left to sign. Perhaps a number of teams are not interested in Heatley, but they have financial motivations to complete some trades this summer.

Perhaps I should get to the point. My advice, so to speak. Last night, at 7:08pm while I was laying in a hot tub, the idea came to me that would deal with the Heatley situation and solve the salary cap issues of a number of teams. What we need is the largest and most elaborate trade in NHL history. Curious? Keep reading.

The deal starts between Edmonton and Ottawa - Dany Heatley to Edmonton for Andrew Cogliano, Laddy Smid and Dustin Penner. Of course, we know Dany won't play in Edmonton, but Ottawa will be satisfied with the return on the deal. Edmonton will have Heater, but they’ll have to deal him.

Trade Two: Dany Heatley from Edmonton to the Boston Bruins for the rights to Phil Kessel and a 2nd round draft pick in 2010. This trade lands Edmonton the top line center they have been craving, and opens up salary cap room to sign him to a long-term deal. Of course, the Bruins have no cap space, so Heatley once again needs to be moved...

Trade Three: Dany Heatley from Boston to Colorado for Matt Duchene and a 1st round draft pick in 2010. With this trade, Boston acquires two top tier young players that likely won't count against the cap this season. While Colorado has cap room for Heatley and could keep him, they are in rebuild mode, and want to add young talent, starting with a goaltender. So...

Trade Four: Dany Heatley from Colorado to Montreal for Carey Price, Max Partoretty and Roman Hamrlik. Montreal has two stellar young goaltenders, and someone needs to go. Price, who’s often called the next Patrick Roy, is moved to the city he played his best hockey: Denver. Montreal would be real tempted to keep Heatley, but they already have a number of high priced forwards. What they need is a top young defenseman, so…

Trade Five: Dany Heatley from Montreal to the Minnesota Wild for Josh Harding and Brett Burns. Montreal acquires an excellent second goalie in Harding, and Burns is their all-star defender for many years to come. Of course, we all know Heatley won’t play in Minnie this season, so he’ll need to be moved to a team that can afford to give up some offense…

Trade Six: Dany Heatley from Minnesota to the Chicago Blackhawks for Patrick Sharp and Brent Seabrook. What a massive move this would be for Minnie, landing two great young players who have manageable contract numbers. And what does Chicago get? An extremely marketable player that can bring in young talent for the future. So our next move…

Trade Seven: Dany Heatley from Chicago to the Toronto Maple Leafs for Jonas Gustavsson, Nazem Kadri and a 2nd round draft pick in 2010. What a monster deal this would be! Chicago gets their star goalie for the future and a solid prospect in Kadri that won’t count against the cap. And TO? They get an all-star forward…that they will trade. As much as TO likes Heatley, Burke has a plan to build a solid core of youth, and Heater is a means to an end. So…

Trade Eight: Dany Heatley and Tomas Kaberle from Toronto to the Los Angeles Kings for Brayden Schenn, Dustin Brown and Drew Doughty. Seriously folks, Schenn is who TO wanted at the draft in Montreal, and Doughty is a blue-chip defensive prospect. Brown gives the Leafs a solid scoring winger that can hit. And for the Kings? They get one of the best three wingers in hockey, and Kaberle, so all the speculation and annoying talk about his situation can be brought to an end too. Of course, Heatley doesn’t want to play in LA, so he’s on the move again…

Trade Nine: Dany Heatley to the Philadelphia Flyers for Daniel Briere and a 1st Round draft pick. Wow, now things are getting interesting. LA lands a star Center and a pick, and the Flyers, a great tradable player. I wonder where Heater is going next? It has to be to a team that can give up prospects, because Philly is capped out…

Trade Ten: Dany Heatley to the Columbus Blue Jackets for Nikita Filatov and Jakub Voracek. What a crazy deal this is: A top scorer for two players that could turn into top scorers some day. A great deal for both teams, but of course, Heatley isn’t going to play in Columbus. Too middle class and boring. So pack your bags, Dany, and say hello to…

Trade Eleven: Dany Heatley to the Ottawa Senators for Jason Spezza. Hooray! Columbus finally gets a Center to play with Nash, and Heatley gets exactly what he deserves: To play in Ottawa for the rest of his career. Everyone loves a happy ending.

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