Maxbone

"This page is all about the Edmonton Oilers"

Boyle, AB • Canada • 40 Years Old • Male

13 Predictions for the Upcoming NHL Season

Here's a little light reading on this Friday, the last before the 2009/2010 NHL regular season begins.

1. Theo Fleury will end up playing for some NHL team by the end of the season. And, he’ll be good too. Calgary made a mistake not giving this guy a chance to prove he can still do it.

2. Rookie of the Year in the NHL will be Victor Hedman of the Tampa Bay Lightning. John Tavares, everyone’s favorite to win the Calder Trophy, has not looked comfortable in the NHL so far. Hedman, on the other hand, looks like a baby Chris Pronger. Plus, he will benefit from playing on a Tampa team that could seriously challenge for the Division, and in the playoffs.

3. The San Jose Sharks will be great in the regular season, and terrible in the playoffs, losing in the second round to an underdog. Dany Heatley will start moaning about how crummy life is in San Jose before the end of the year, and after the second bite of the chili dog he is eating, while flipping through the Wall Street Journal at a downtown Starbucks on a 80F day.

4. The LA Kings will be the most improved team this season, and they’ll still miss the playoffs. Be patient, Kings fans; your time is fast approaching.

5. The Edmonton Oilers will continue to be the most schizophrenic team in the league; brilliant one game, completely lame the next. Ales Hemsky will continue to look like either the most underrated or overrated player in the league, depending on what game it is. Robert Nilsson will end up in the doghouse of the coach by game 15, and the Oilers as a team, will continue to be a #1 Center and a bone-crushing defensive defenseman away from being a legitimate playoff threat.

6. The Ottawa Senators will miss the Eastern Conference playoffs this season, as will the Leafs, Panthers, Islanders, Rangers, Thrashers, and Sabers. In the West, the Avalanche, Kings, Coyotes, Stars, Predators, Wild and Blue Jackets will all miss the big dance.

7. Jim Balsillie will eventually win the argument in court, and will be allowed to buy the Coyotes. The NHL will win the debate regarding transfer fees, and make Balsillie pay $150 million to move the team. He’ll pay it, and relocate the team for the 2010/2011 season. Wayne Gretzky will return to run the franchise. The name of the “new” Hamilton team? The Hamilton Steelers, or if you ask the NHL, it will be the Stealers, in honor of Balsillie. Canadian hockey fans will still have no idea if they should be cheering for this guy or not, but everyone agrees Gary Bettman is a tool and needs to go.

8. The Toronto media will be ridiculously annoying promoting their team all year long, even after it is mathematically impossible for the Leafs to make the playoffs. Calls for Nazem Kadri to win the Hart, Vezina, Norris, Lady Byne, Heisman and to enter the Hall of Fame will begin before the poor guy has a chance to finish his first game. After finding out Kadri didn’t win league MVP, Brian Burke will call Kevin Lowe in a drunken rage, and challenge him to a bare-knuckle fight to the death on Queen’s Street during Toronto’s annual Gay Pride Parade. Lowe will refuse, but will agree to trade Penner to the Leafs for two first round draft picks and a second. Burke will publicly deny, but secretly consider it.

9. The Chicago Black Hawks will surprise this season. Many think the Hawks are headed to the cup final. Nope. They are not nearly as good as they appear to be. Look for Detroit to once again win the Division, surprising everyone except for Wings management. Chicago is over-confident and is missing a few ingredients still. Huet is not a #1 goalie, for starters.

10. Some team from Europe will win the Olympic gold in Vancouver, and all of a sudden, the NHL will be back on for 2014. Forget the Russian player’s protests about wanting to play in the Olympic games: The NHL is going to keep sending their players until the tournament gets it right…Either Canada or the USA wins the gold. Then NHL will drop the Olympics.

11. NHL Division Winners will be: Northeast – Boston Bruins. Atlantic – Philadelphia Flyers. Southeast – Washington Capitals. Central – Detroit Red Wings. Pacific – San Jose Sharks. Northwest – Calgary Flames.

12. Conference Winners? Let’s go with Philadelphia in the East, because Pronger is a playoff God, and the team is too stacked to miss. West? Detroit. It shouldn’t be them. It makes no sense to predict them. But it will be Detroit, like it always seems to be. Look for some European player that no one has ever heard of to suddenly dominate their line-up. BTW, Philly will win the cup.

13. Fans who watched the Kessel to Toronto deal in horror, this one’s for you: Kessel will be out until mid-November. When he comes back, he’ll take some time to get going, like all players who miss camp do. And even when he is up to speed, he’ll wake up one morning and realize where he is playing. Totals for the year? 20g and 20a in 55 games. Toronto will finish roughly 25th in the league, and will surrender a Top 5 pick, plus two more, for Kessel. Upon realizing this, Brian Burke will call Kevin Lowe in a drunken rage, and challenge him to a bare-knuckle fight to the death on Queen’s Street during Toronto’s annual Gay Pride Parade. Lowe will refuse, but will agree to trade Penner to the Leafs for two first round draft picks and a second. Burke will awaken the next morning with no recollection of the incident.

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