BluesFan44

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The Man-Cave, taking a Prozac the size of a VW Beetle • United States • 42 Years Old • Male

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Hockey Humo(u)r: More Tacky Promos

So it seems the Florida Panthers welcomed back Roberto Luongo by rewarding fans with TV's each time he allowed a goal. Nice. Though it did set the little hamster wheel in my head in motion...

Here, then, is the list of one promo I'd like to see each team offer:

Anaheim Ducks: After each fight, 10 fans are invited to sit in the Ducks owners' box between Brian Burke and Kevin Lowe
Atlanta Thrashers: One pair of lucky fans play the world's largest game of Hollywood Squares using the Luxury boxes as a game board. Winner gets a 100% leather Atlanta Falcons dog collar
Boston Bruins: During each video goal review, 5 fans win high-definition video cameras autographed by Bill Belichek
Buffalo Sabres: Should a Sabres player record a hat trick, one fan will win the right to immediately drive that Sabre to his new home in Philadelphia or New York
Calgary Flames: Select fans get free surgery to have their eardrums repaired after listening to a typical Flames goal announcement
Carolina Hurricanes: Fans arriving an hour before game time can have their picture taken with Chuck Kaiton's color man.
Chicago Blackhawks: All fans in attendance get a packet of 1000 pamphlets to distribute in their communities reminding Chicagoans that the CTA does still serve United Center
Colorado Avalanche: One free beer each time an Avs player cheap-shots Todd Bertuzzi
Columbus Blue Jackets: All fans in attendance get a free spice rack, because their team is so bland that I can't even come up with anything good to make fun of them about.
Dallas Stars: After each Stars victory, 10 fans are sworn in as official citizens of Finland
Detroit Red Wings: Three fans get the opportunity to carry Dominik Hasek off the ice each time he tears his groin
Edmonton Oilers: The First 10,000 Fans get a free copy of "Living in Edmonton" by Andy Strickland
Los Angeles Kings: Fans who actually arrive in time for the opening faceoff receive a Kings t-shirt that reads "I'm not from around here"
Minnesota Wild: During the first intermission, 10 fans each get one guess as to what the hell that logo is supposed to look like
Montreal Canadiens: After each Christobal Huet shutout, one lucky fan gets to determine how Huet will pronounce his name from that point forward.
Nashville Predators: Any night the attendance is over 14,000, one fan is declared the new owner of the team
New Jersey: 10 lucky fans win a copy of Roget's thesaurus every time Mike "Doc" Emrick uses the phrase "spirits it ahead"
New York Islanders: One fan wins a new Lamborghini Murcielago, but the Islanders make him trade it away for a Chevrolet Cavalier. A Matchbox Chevrolet Cavalier.
New York Rangers: Every time the Rangers win, they retire another number of a player from the 1994 team, bring out the Stanley Cup, and then actually send everyone back in time to that year that the Rangers won't even begin to let us forget
Ottawa Senators: All fans in attendance receive a new Rolex when Ray Emery shows up to the arena on time.
Philadelphia Flyers: Fans who stay for the entire game receive an autographed picture of Julie Robenhymer
Phoenix Coyotes: Any fan who makes an "Assisted by Gretel" joke when Hanzal scores wins a hardback copy of Mother Goose's nursery rhymes. Then is smacked in the back of the cranium with it for making such a stupid joke.
Pittsburgh Penguins: After every Crosby goal, Mike Lange presents one fan with a new back-scratching hacksaw
San Jose Sharks: If the Sharks win by 4 or more goals, one fan is challenged to come up with a jersey uglier than the California Seals sweaters for the Sharks to wear. Wait, this just in.... that apparenlty happened this past off season.....
St. Louis Blues: After each Blues Power play, 5 fans actually do get those 2:00 of their life back
Tampa Bay Lightning: Fans arriving late to the game are presented with an official Dave Mishkin alarm clock
Toronto Maple Leafs: All fans receive a playoff ticket application form any time the Leafs give up fewer than 5 goals at home.
Vancouver Canucks: When the Canucks win 1-0, fans receive an official Canucks rosary, so that they can send their prayers of thanks for Roberto Luongo
Washington Capitals: After each game where Ovechkin scores, all fans are given a DVD of the game to give to all of those "fans" who weren't there.... again.....

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