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Calgary, AB • Canada • 29 Years Old • Male

Same Pile of...

Posted 1:40 AM ET | Comments 10
“SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this?” – Mugatu

This is how I feel.

The Calgary Flames are Derek Zoolander. Derek Zoolander is the Calgary Flames. Regardless of the grammatical nightmare that is that last sentence one thing remains – the 2010-11 Calgary Flames are eerily similar, if not the worse, to the 2009-10 version of the Flames.

It’s the same look every single time.

Dump and chase. Grind. Shoot from the perimeter. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

The Flames were shutout five times last year and the first time was January 15th against the Nashville Predators.

This year, the Flames have been shutout in two of their first three games, and better yet to two of the three worst teams in the league standings last season—the Oilers and Panthers.

Do you remember the saying? You can’t make the playoffs in October but you can sure miss them.

Well the Flames are sure proving that theory. And don’t give me that injury garbage – not one of the walking wounded can make a big enough impact on this team to warrant more excitement as they are all roughly the same re-incarnation of the next player in line.

They can’t score goals. They don’t create chances. The power play is a two-minute relaxation period in which we hope we can keep the opposing team out of our own zone. The only thing that remains constant is the penalty kill and the only reason that component remains intact is because DEFENCE is the only thing the Flames are ever taught to do.

Scoring goals? Why bother when you can dump and chase and hope to god that your miracle Hail Mary point shot gets past the goalie. How many scoring chances did the Flames have tonight? I dare you to say more than three...dare you.

The Flames had all of TEN shots on goal in the first two periods – TEN! They had 17 shots in the third period but none were even remotely close to bona-fide scoring chances. There was very rarely a time in tonight’s game when you gasped, clenched the armrests, or nearly fell off your chair due to a near chance. I know at least half my table was caught up in talking about the NFL or something else more exciting than the poor excuse for professional hockey players that decided to play tonight.

Tonight’s effort was pathetic.

What else is there to say?

There were ZERO bright spots. How bad can it get before something changes?

When are they going to break up the top line? When is Mikael Backlund going to get a chance on the PP? He had all of 0:00 minutes on the man-advantage unit tonight – seems to be working B. Sutter. A stellar 1 for 16 this season.

Why practice something in pre-season and have it work when you are not going to continue doing so during the games that count?

Blue Steel? Le Tigre? Ferrari?

My better option would be to get into a freak gasoline fight accident so I don’t have to force myself to watch this drivel 78 more times

Where are my Crazy pills? I’m going to need them

Filed Under:   calgary flames   mikael backlund   nhl  
October 15, 2010 2:00 AM ET | Delete
Well put Newman. Utter garbage hockey. My rec team puts in a better effort and we play for beer. D.S. has shown himself to be a complete idiot, and I reckon B.S. isn't too far behind.
October 15, 2010 8:01 AM ET | Delete
flames suck. The sutters gotta go.
October 15, 2010 9:26 AM ET | Delete
October 15, 2010 11:02 AM ET | Delete
What you described is "eerily similar" to what's been happening in Pittsburgh too. With the exception that we get plenty of power play chances...and just make it look like we have no idea what to do with them.
October 15, 2010 12:25 PM ET | Delete
This team is the same team as last year...poop, piled on a bigger pile of poop!
October 15, 2010 2:29 PM ET | Delete
I think even if D Sutter redeems himself with a good trade (ie.Richards), I'm at the point where I still want to see him gone! We were bad last season, this year its just getting old.
October 15, 2010 4:51 PM ET | Delete
I don't think Brad Richards works in a trade with you guys. The Stars wouldn't be taking back salary in a Richards trade. I will just about guarantee Feaster will sign him July 1st though. I think the best thing for the future is shop Iginla and Kipper at the deadline. I see Feaster in charge by then so you should get a good return.
October 15, 2010 10:11 PM ET | Delete
Don't break your ankles jumping off the bandwagon. As boring as last game was, they were 7-0 preseason, and the injuries did have an effect. Bourque isn't a difference maker? Kotalik, leading pt getter at point of injury? I think they would be better than Jackman. Patience...it is only 3 games in, and we aren't 0-3
October 16, 2010 5:18 PM ET | Delete
Re: Flames34: The preseason means absolutely nothing. Get that through your skull. Especially when they refuse to do anything they did in the preseason to make them succesful. Bourque would be a nice addition right now but Kotalik lead the points in the pre-season dude. Remember Brandon Bochenski leading the way for the Sens a couple years back, yeah didnt think so
October 19, 2010 5:14 AM ET | Delete
trade iggy (one point in four games) and trade kipper, who is in the mid twenties in save percentage and goals against. i have always thought he was overrated to begin with. one good year every three or four. iggy is on a downward spiral, lets face it he's past his prime. trade him to a contendor and give iggy a cup.
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